My name's Noah Kilmartin. I'm from Ruddock, Ohio, and I'm absolutely, 100% unqualified to save the universe from the slavering demonic hordes of the super evil bitch queen Lilith.

Too bad nobody asked my opinion.

All I've got to do is pass five lethal trials that'll prove I'm the universe's last chance at salvation. To do so I'll have to lean hard on those three years of Okinawan jiu-jutsu classes I took in high school, learn to wield my new magic sword, and oh yeah - select five women to flesh out my team, bonding with each one for arcane purposes and desperately trying to stay alive in the process.

Piece of cake. Right?